


Face on a Lover with a Fire in His Heart

by msculper



Category: Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:16:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msculper/pseuds/msculper
Summary: When Ben finally decides to tell his best friend how he feels, Caleb shows up with someone else.
Relationships: Caleb Brewster/Benjamin Tallmadge
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	Face on a Lover with a Fire in His Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Did I come up with this while listening to an acoustic cover of Last Christmas? You can't prove it.

“You have to tell him.”

Anna’s knife pointedly thudded on the cutting board, a piece of carrot flying into the sink. Ben poured flutes of champagne next to her, the bubbles fizzing under the quiet jazz music playing from the other room. “I know.”

“I don’t want to tell you how to live your life -” Ben chuckled. “I’m serious! But he’s going to Australia for a month and then Christ knows what’ll happen.”

“You’re telling me.” He finished pouring the bottle, drinking the last few drops before turning to lean his back on the counter and fold his arms. 

Anna set her knife down and looked at him. Her tone was softer than the joking banter they’d had all afternoon. “You’ve been in love with him for years, Ben. I know you’re scared but you owe it to yourself to stop carrying this on your own.” She set a gentle hand on his arm, careful not to stain his button down with the carrot juice on her fingers. 

He patted her hand with a slow nod. After a deep breath he stood up. “What else can I do, Mrs. Strong?”

A deep voice from behind him nearly made him jump. “Jesus, you still workin’ him Anna? Let the poor man rest.” Selah tied his tie as he stepped into the kitchen. Anna’s face lit up, crinkling her nose in fake frustration. He shooed Ben out of the kitchen, and set to arranging Anna’s hors d'oeuvres as he whistled along to Ella Fitzgerald. 

Ben gave in and retreated to the living room, watching a light snow fall beyond the balcony. Even though he promised himself he wouldn’t, he pulled out his phone and refreshed his work email, grateful to find only the standard reminders to have a good break and submit grades for the quarter. The barely-audible rumble of Anna and Selah’s pleasant conversation warmed his heart. When he set up one of his childhood bestfriends with a casual work acquaintance a few years back, he never imagined they’d go on to the comfortable marriage they now shared. They’d both become even closer to Ben in the process, which meant he had invitations to home cooked meals, rides home from work, and pleasant nights in where he could enjoy company without doing anything rash or stupid, like telling his best friend he was in love with him. His chest ached. 

The doorbell rang and Selah rushed to answer it. Anna pulled Ben aside. “Tea or bubbly?” He looked at her as though she should know better. “Champagne it is.”

As the guests to Anna and Selah’s annual Christmas party begin filing in, Ben nursed his champagne and a ball of growing nerves in his stomach. He was in the middle of a conversation with Selah and a few of their colleagues about last-day-before-break shenanigans when the apartment door swung wide open. Making his usual boisterous entrance was one Caleb Brewster, wearing a mossy green fisherman’s sweater, snowflakes in his hair and a bottle of wine in his hand. Like every time Ben laid eyes on him, it took his breath away. Half-paying attention to a story about students melting plastic lab equipment on the chemistry burners, he watched as Caleb warmly greeted Anna with a bear hug and a kiss on the cheek. Caleb melted into the small crowd as easily as he seemed to fit everywhere he went.

To Ben’s credit, he and Caleb didn’t bump into each other for a good ten minutes. 

When they finally did, Caleb shouted “Bennyboy!” loud enough to be heard over the murmur of the party and wrapped Ben in a hug that both warmed him to the bone and sent chills down his spine. “How’s it feel to be a free man for the winter?”

Ben released him with a chuckle, “Well, a free man with essays to grade.”

“Bein’ away from kids is bein’ away from kids, I’d say you’re free enough.” They shared a laugh. 

An unusual, uneasy silence fell between them, only accentuated by the sounds of the filled apartment. 

Ben cleared his throat. “Can I talk to you later, in private? It’s nothing to worry about, I just want to catch you before you leave.” 

Caleb’s raised eyebrow revealed his skepticism, but he nodded with a genuine smile. A question began forming on Caleb’s lips before he paused and slipped his phone out of his pocket. His face lit up and he yelled, “Hold that thought!” over his shoulder as he rushed to the door. He flung it open just in time to reveal a flustered woman bundled nearly to the nose. Caleb led her inside, taking her coat and scarf. Her pale complexion flushed by the cold, she was beautiful in a delicate sort of way, her green eyes shining and pale red hair in falling curls. 

And Caleb was fawning over her like she was the only person in the apartment. 

Anna caught Ben’s eye from across the room, sending him a pair of concerned eyes and a disappointed half-frown. He downed the rest of his drink.

The apartment seemed to have lengthened by several football fields as he walked to where Anna stood by the food. 

“If I’d known I would’ve told you,” she whispered, pretending to rearrange the charcuterie board. 

He took several deliberate deep breaths. “He would’ve told me about a girlfriend, right?”

Anna glanced over their shoulders where Caleb was introducing her to every person he knew, a gentle hand on her elbow. “She could be new?”

Caleb’s laughter rang hearty and true over the sound of the small crowd. “Even Caleb wouldn’t bring someone he just met to your Christmas party.” His brain spun to a hundred different conjectures, fully preparing to theorize with Anna for the rest of the night. If the woman was, as she clearly seemed to be, Caleb’s newest romantic interest, declaring his love was out of the question. It would be uncomfortable for everyone involved and make him out to be the kind of asshole who waited until the worst moment to drop the biggest news. 

A solid hand clapped him on the shoulder, nearly making him drop the plate he was mindlessly putting together. “Ya ran off on me, Tallboy!” Ben glared at Anna as he turned to face Caleb. 

“Sorry,” he half-heartedly responded, “Anna needed me.” His voice showed at least a dozen of the tell tale signs of lying that he’d come to identify in his years in a classroom, but he pressed on with what he hoped came across as something other than a grimace on his face.

Caleb glanced between them in confusion, but seemed to think better of his suspicion. He shook his head with a bright smile. “You two always were the antisocial ones, huh.” Looping an arm around the mystery woman’s shoulders and pulling her closer, he rambled on. “When we used to sneak out as kids, these two would always sneak back off home to get some peace and quiet. Crazy, eh? Anyways,” he diverted, turning his attention back to Anna and Ben, “this is Mary Smith, human ray of sunshine and overall badass. An’ over here we have hostess-with-the-mostest Anna Strong and Ben Tallmadge, my best friend since elementary.” They exchanged pleasantries and handshakes, Mary beaming and increasingly impossible to hate. Not that Ben was trying. 

“I’m so sorry, I know we just met,” Mary interrupted, blushing, “But can you direct me to the bathroom?”

Anna smiled, looping her arm through Mary’s. “Of course,” she glanced over her shoulder and spoke loud enough to be overheard as they started walking away. “But if those two burn the building down, I’m blaming you.” 

The party swallowed them. Ben swallowed around a lump of nerves in his throat.

“You said you wanted to talk? What’s up, Benny?”

Ben could feel his face turning a deep red. “Oh! I don’t… remember. Must not have been a big deal.” As he downed the rest of the champagne he was holding, the apartment became increasingly smaller and the people became increasingly louder. 

Caleb placed a warm hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

The words threatened to spill out of Ben’s mouth at the gentleness all over Caleb’s face. “Yeah,” he said instead, busying himself with assessing the food table in earnest. He eased away from Caleb as un-heartbreakingly as he could manage. “I’m gonna go refill the ice.”

The kitchen was a welcome refuge from the noise and pressure and his own inability to voice his feelings. He knew he couldn’t stay there all night, although he didn’t know if he was more scared of giving up or the hell Anna would surely give him for hiding. Still, he lingered longer than was strictly necessary before rejoining the party. 

When Ben could forget that he was avoiding Caleb, the rest of the evening was relaxing and enjoyable. He got to catch up with Abe and his boyfriend Rob, who excused himself to get new drinks and get out of small talk. Abe took the opportunity to show off the ring in his pocket that he and Rob’s father had bought. He said he was waiting for the perfect moment which, knowing Abe, was likely to be drunkenly at a bus stop or as Rob was getting his flu shot. Ben was also pleasantly surprised to find Abigail and Akinbode, who seemed thrilled to be out without needing a babysitter for the first time. 

Just as he caught sight of Caleb and Mary dancing to an old eighties song, Anna beckoned him into the kitchen. “I’m so sorry to put this on you, but Selah wants to introduce me to the new teachers, so can you put the trash out on the balcony?” He agreed - much too eagerly if the look on Anna’s face was anything to go by. 

Sneaking out the sliding door, Ben left it open just enough to keep him from getting accidentally locked out in the December night. He took a steading breath and watched it swirl away into the starless sky. Snow had already gathered on the railing and the sidewalks below, turning to slush under the traffic. When he turned to go inside, Caleb was standing on the other side of the door, watching him with a bewildered smile. 

Caleb slid the door open, but neglected to move out of the way. “Caleb, please, it’s freezing out.”

“Uh, uh,” Caleb countered. He pointed up to a sprig of mistletoe fixed above the door. “Not without makin’ good on this.”

Ben put his hands on his hips. “Seriously, move.”

At that, Caleb leaned back in shock. “What the hell is up with you tonight? You say you want to talk and then ignore me?” A strange mix of shame and fear settled in Ben’s chest.

“I’m tired, that’s all.” Caleb didn’t buy it. “Can you please at least let me inside?”

“Not without a smooch, Benny.” This time, it was a challenge more than a joke. 

Exhaling into his hands to keep them warm. “Oh? And what will Mary say about that?”

A cloud of confusion settled over Caleb’s face. “Mary?”

“Isn’t she… you know… your girlfriend?”

Caleb chuckled warm and dazzling. “What, you think I’m with Mary? Oh Christ no, Tallboy.” He slid a hand over this face and beard. “No, she’s my neighbor and she doesn’t have any family around so I brought her. That, and she’s gay as can be.”

Even against the cold, Ben’s face was beet red. “I’m sorry,” he choked out. He hoped that he would catch Caleb off guard and shoulder through into the apartment, but Caleb stopped him with a solid arm on the doorframe. 

“What is your issue tonight?”

“I don’t have an issue.”

“Oh, come on Ben.” His eyes were soft and open and Ben could almost feel himself being dragged in. 

“I don’t have an issue with kissing you,” he admitted, his mouth moving before his brain could get in the way. “My issue is that I want to kiss you, more than anything. And I have for so long, Caleb. I’m in love with you and I can’t go on without you knowing.” 

Caleb’s face was unchanged: his eyebrows knit together in concern, his eyes searching Ben’s face, his lips worrying over each other. 

Ben swallowed. 

“You  _ idiot _ ,” Caleb breathed. Then his hands were pulling Ben into the apartment and against himself. His eyes flicked down to Ben’s lips before he pushed impossibly closer and kissed him against the sliding door. They lingered in the warmth and strange, new comfort before remembering where they were and leaning back to a slightly more respectable distance. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

Ben ran a knuckle against his bottom lip, thinking. Why hadn’t he? If he’d known where confessing would get him, it certainly would have made him act sooner. He shrugged. “I was scared? And you always seem to be dating somebody - I didn’t want to be that asshole.” 

Caleb smiled at his shoes. “I would’ve left any of them for you.” His cheeks turned pink as he looked back up at Ben with piercing, loving eyes. 

The quiet moment around them broke as Mary snuck up and slipped her arm around Caleb’s. “Am I interrupting something?” She asked with a thick layer of pretended innocence and knowing smile. Caleb blushed even deeper and knocked shoulders with her. 

As Ben leaned against the cold glass and watched them poking fun at each other, Anna sidled up next to him and rested her head on Ben’s shoulder. “I take it it went well?”

Ben chuckled. “How’d you know?”

He felt Anna’s smile. “You’re finally seeing how he looks at you.” It warmed his core almost as much as the wink Caleb threw him. He lowered his head onto Anna’s. 

“Are you having fun?”

“Well my best friend is in love, my husband’s coworkers like me, and no one’s thrown up yet, so yes.” She shook her head with an exhale of a laugh. 

Selah appeared in front of them, quirking his head to match the angle of Anna’s neck. “Some of your guests are leaving, Mrs. Strong.” 

“Thank you, Mr. Strong,” she responded in a slow sing-song, easing herself off of the wall and toward Selah’s open hand. 

Mary had already disappeared when Selah and Anna walked off, hand in hand, to attend to their host duties. Caleb was staring at him, hands in his pockets and contentment on his face. He closed the gap between them again and kissed him soft and sweet. Pulling back just far enough that their noses couldn’t help but brush against each other, he whispered, “I don’t have to go to Australia, you know.”

Ben leaned the rest of the way back. “I’ll be here when you get back, I promise.” He kissed Caleb’s forehead, keeping him close with an arm around his shoulders. 

They spent what little was left of the party standing close and making fun of everyone else in hushed voices behind their hands. Their hands fit together like puzzle pieces as the friendship that had long cemented them together grew into the love they could both now acknowledge. Ben found himself swaying to the Christmas music, feeling lighter on his feet and more in tune to its jolly bouncing than he had been in years. As the crowd dwindled, Ben approached Anna with a hand on her shoulder. “What can I do?”

She turned with two handfuls of used paper plates and crumpled napkins. “Absolutely not, Ben, you’ve done too much. And I think you have more important things to get up to tonight,” she nodded over his shoulder to Caleb. 

He thanked her for the evening, pulling her into as much of a hug as she could manage. 

He kissed Caleb against every lightpost between Anna’s apartment and Caleb’s, all the way up the elevator, and under the mistletoe Caleb had inexplicably and hopefully strung up in his kitchen.


End file.
